Let's go

I realized today, to an extent, the futility of excuses. I either am or I am not. I either do or I do not. I either learn or I don't. I have the ability to choose, to make the most of my abilities and talents, or not. So I think I will post a list of what I would like to do and to learn.

To learn:

Sewing. I don't have the faintest idea when it comes to sewing. I think it would be a valuable skill to learn.

Physics. I think as an individual, my education in the realm of science and math is seriously lacking.

Calculus and beyond. Math is everywhere. I shouldn't always be trying to avoid it. I am not too stupid to learn it, if anything, what I lack is discipline. So to calculus it is.

Chemistry- see above comment.

Gardening and plant care.

Biology- life is amazing! Yet I know so little about how it works. How does a cell function? What is the roll of DNA or RNA?

Cooking. I am going to have to eat for the rest of my life. I may as well learn to make food that is tasty and nutritious

Spanish- What I know means nothing if I am not able to communicate and apply it. A growing portion of the population of the United States speaks Spanish

Greek- It would be amazing to be able to read the New Testament in Greek

To play the organ- it's the primary instrument for Church music.

Music theory- I love classical music, it would be great to learn how it works. I've tried in the past, but lacked the discipline.

Cleaning- How can I make a space visually appealing? I believe that environment impacts behavior. How can I create spaces that promote the behaviors I seek?

Church History- One of the things we are told to do is remember. How can we remember what we do not know?

To do:
Start getting up at four in the morning. There would be so much more time in the day.

Go to bed at 10:30. Otherwise four in the morning will not go so well.

Be able to run a mile in 10:00- not very fast I know, but I've never been good at running

Be a size 6. I'm not sure anything smaller than that would be good for my 5'9 self.

Serve 100 hours in 1 year.

Go back to school by January 2011

Out of the mouths of babes

I volunteer in a kindergarten classroom where I am often surprised at the wisdom that children inherently possess. The enthusiasm they have for learning and for life inspires me to want to be better and see the joy in simple things. Today, for instance, was a day where I just didn't feel like I was doing much of anything worthwhile. One of my students sat down next to me and said, "I'm here for you Miss Cate." She meant, that she was sitting next to me. To me, though, it was a reminder that Someone is here for me. Always.

Thought of the day

I am, no matter how much I try to deny it, a hopeless romantic. This is one of those things that I think I move past and then realize that no, I don't. I love hearing stories of people finding real, families are forever happiness. I think perhaps one of the greatest tragedies we can encounter is selling ourselves short of what we could be. If, as it says in Moses 1:39, the Lord's work is "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man", it would make sense that he would provide some guidelines to assist us in reaching his objectives. It would make sense to pray every day to seek some help in being what He wants us to be. Heavenly Father is trying to help us become all that we could be, to be more than we can at this point imagine. He wants to exalt us in families. Eternal families. In the Doctrine and Covenants section 19:10 it says that "Endless" is one of the Lord's names. Wouldn't it make sense then that Eternal Families would be God's family? He promotes marriage! The Lord's glory is to bring about Eternal Life. Doctrine and Covenants section 132 talks about his plan for marriages. I think I need to stop worrying about the future and trust God. I need to work on being all I can be, to prepare all I can, but then to put it in the hands of Heavenly Father. He knows everything. He knows everyone, better than we know ourselves. I heard a quote that I can't remember the source on, but it said "work like everything depends on you. Pray like everything depends on the Lord." Anyhow, those are my thoughts for today.

Jobs

Today I had a job interview. I was excited and ready to go. Then the interview came and there was an hour wait, which promptly caused me to be unnerved. Alas. I have decided that most of the time, feelings of nervousness or discontent seem to come, at least for me, when I am idle. The more productive my time is, the more secure and content I feel. The more I cross off of my to do list, the better my day is. Anyhow, the hour draws late and I ought not further rob tomorrow by staying up too late today.

Playing Catch Up

It's been some time since I last posted on this blog. I've relocated to Texas and am taking a break from my formal education until I can pay for it without debt. Meanwhile, I've been volunteering at an elementary school and trying to continue my studies as much as I can, work on my homemaking skills and seeking employment. I'm trying to develop a better sense of discipline and organization, get in shape and become more like the person I imagine I can be. I'll let you know as this happens, and I hope to post more on this process daily.

Art

I have never been very good at following directions. Growing up I was the kid who hated coloring. I always wanted to draw my own picture and do it with my own colors. Lately, though, it feels like I've been coloring, to an extent. I've been living in the world rather than carving and painting out standards and values that fit me. I want to become a choice daughter of God and that means overcoming my weaknesses and trusting in the Lord.
Dating, for me lately, has been a sort of experience. It seems to me that finally I'm starting to date after most of my friends. My wall of death (engagement) has grown rather full, and soon my roommate and I may have to get some more magnets for our poor fridge. Still, with all this dating, it's come to mind that I still need to learn a lot more about dating and to put my trust in the Lord's timetable. Sometimes it feels like none of my plans work out. I know that Mr. Right is out there somewhere, and that if I can become the best person I can and draw closer to the Lord, that will, in many ways, draw me closer to him when the time is right. I need to return to my Father in Heaven and draw ever nearer to Him. I need to cease the distractions of the world. I think perhaps I will stop watching television and be more careful about movies, even those on dates. I want to hold myself to the highest standards because the more I use the standards as stairs, rather than viewing them as obstacles, the happier I will ultimately be. Movies and television seem to be increasingly lewd. They mock chastity and glorify violence. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be desensitized to the Spirit of the Lord and I fear that may happen unless I put on the full armor of God and, to an extent withdraw from the world. I do not need television. I do need scripture study. I do not need to spend my time on online games. I do need to spend my time establishing a house of service, fasting and prayer. I have such a long way to go, and these ideals still seem lofty. I do want to become closer to my Father in Heaven. I want to be more like Christ. I don't need the world to tell me I'm this or that. I am a Daughter of Heavenly Father. I don't want to fit their molds, I want to fit His. He knows who I am and has a unique picture that we will draw together. I am not a coloring book page. I am, and am hoping to become, a Masterpiece.

Finals and Blessings

We are so much in the hands of our Heavenly Father. When I think about the many blessings he has given me, the love that is all around me, at times, I cannot comprehend it. This last week has been trying in so many ways. I have found myself exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally, and nearly spiritually.
It started on Sunday night when I was faced with a difficult decision, should I work on my paper, violating a promise that I'd made to Heavenly Father, or get up in the morning, sacrificing most sleep to finish the paper that was due on Monday morning? I decided to pray and to trust in Heavenly Father. The Doctrine and Covenants says that the saints can be ministered by angels, and as I woke up around two am to write and then had to continue through a very challenging day, I felt that I was supported by my Father in Heaven.
I felt His strength with me again as I wrote a second paper on Tuesday.
I lost my bus pass and He inspired someone to be honest and turn it in.
And then today, for the first time, I received a paper back and got an A. I could not have written without His help, and his inspiration. I am so grateful and I know that if the Lord comes first in my life, I'll never be too far behind.