Art

I have never been very good at following directions. Growing up I was the kid who hated coloring. I always wanted to draw my own picture and do it with my own colors. Lately, though, it feels like I've been coloring, to an extent. I've been living in the world rather than carving and painting out standards and values that fit me. I want to become a choice daughter of God and that means overcoming my weaknesses and trusting in the Lord.
Dating, for me lately, has been a sort of experience. It seems to me that finally I'm starting to date after most of my friends. My wall of death (engagement) has grown rather full, and soon my roommate and I may have to get some more magnets for our poor fridge. Still, with all this dating, it's come to mind that I still need to learn a lot more about dating and to put my trust in the Lord's timetable. Sometimes it feels like none of my plans work out. I know that Mr. Right is out there somewhere, and that if I can become the best person I can and draw closer to the Lord, that will, in many ways, draw me closer to him when the time is right. I need to return to my Father in Heaven and draw ever nearer to Him. I need to cease the distractions of the world. I think perhaps I will stop watching television and be more careful about movies, even those on dates. I want to hold myself to the highest standards because the more I use the standards as stairs, rather than viewing them as obstacles, the happier I will ultimately be. Movies and television seem to be increasingly lewd. They mock chastity and glorify violence. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be desensitized to the Spirit of the Lord and I fear that may happen unless I put on the full armor of God and, to an extent withdraw from the world. I do not need television. I do need scripture study. I do not need to spend my time on online games. I do need to spend my time establishing a house of service, fasting and prayer. I have such a long way to go, and these ideals still seem lofty. I do want to become closer to my Father in Heaven. I want to be more like Christ. I don't need the world to tell me I'm this or that. I am a Daughter of Heavenly Father. I don't want to fit their molds, I want to fit His. He knows who I am and has a unique picture that we will draw together. I am not a coloring book page. I am, and am hoping to become, a Masterpiece.

Finals and Blessings

We are so much in the hands of our Heavenly Father. When I think about the many blessings he has given me, the love that is all around me, at times, I cannot comprehend it. This last week has been trying in so many ways. I have found myself exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally, and nearly spiritually.
It started on Sunday night when I was faced with a difficult decision, should I work on my paper, violating a promise that I'd made to Heavenly Father, or get up in the morning, sacrificing most sleep to finish the paper that was due on Monday morning? I decided to pray and to trust in Heavenly Father. The Doctrine and Covenants says that the saints can be ministered by angels, and as I woke up around two am to write and then had to continue through a very challenging day, I felt that I was supported by my Father in Heaven.
I felt His strength with me again as I wrote a second paper on Tuesday.
I lost my bus pass and He inspired someone to be honest and turn it in.
And then today, for the first time, I received a paper back and got an A. I could not have written without His help, and his inspiration. I am so grateful and I know that if the Lord comes first in my life, I'll never be too far behind.

Finals

I definitely feel like I've been living in a Mary and Martha Conundrum lately. I have been so busy with the roadshow, school, work, etc, that I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm learning though, that if I put Heavenly Father first, He'll take care of me and help me to get it all done.

Light

Albert Einstein theorized that darkness is the absence of light. Perhaps it is that absence that blinds me to my own worth, my own potential. Perhaps I simply run faster than I have strength. Still, unless I run as fast as I can, how will I ever know how fast I can run? Homemaking has taken a hit as the week has stormed on.

Uphill Battles

Perhaps the greatest accomplishment is to keep going on a day when the rewards of doing so are unclear. Today, for me is one of those days. I find it very difficult to balance training for my two careers, the one as a future wife and mother (hopefully!) and the other as a historian or history teacher. I find myself torn at times between the two. I should probably just focus on the history. Socially, it's easier. I am fighting a war, internally, a war with myself. I want to overcome the natural man and to be better. I am struggling to do so today! One of my biggest flaws can be time wasting. I want to just work on getting my house in order, but I need to focus on school. Then, it seems, that trying to find time to eat, socialize and sleep seem to slip right through the cracks. Well, back to work. The uphill battle has the best view from the top!

Valentine in action Day 2

Well, today I decided to start to put my resolutions into action. I decided that today I would focus mostly on the homemaking aspects of my valentine. So to the kitchen it was! One of my favorite homemaking skills that my Mom did all the time was making homemade bread. I have done this, counting today, a grand total of twice. It was an adventure to say the least. After substituting water for the milk the recipe called for in an attempt to be more frugal, and kneading until my arms ached, I was really tired. The house smelled wonderful, though, and it was very satisfying to have a warm roll. I also made cookies, this time with oatmeal to extend the dough and to add more fiber to the cookie. They were really tasty and I had plenty to store and freeze for future use. I also decided in an attempt to be more organized that I would spend 15 minutes cleaning my room (not my strong suit at all!) I was amazed at how much I got done. Perhaps it was just the timing. My mother has tried to teach me all of this for years, I guess I just wasn't ready to break away from the feminist mainstream that said that sloppy and manly were okay for a woman. It felt really good though to attempt to be a better homemaker and I hope that tomorrow will go as well!

Making Peace with Valentine's Day

I, to be perfectly honest, have been very caught up in the idea of Valentine's Day. I was this year, as always, single for the day which Hallmark cards and TV specials tell me I should be with a special someone. I'm not, and, for the first year, I did not feel alone. It's funny how the world tells me to be something, someone, to make something of myself. I've recently fallen out of love with the idea of being a superwoman, you know, the one who comes home after her day as a CEO, working out without breaking a sweat, to a happy husband and perfect children in her spotless home. I've fallen out of love with the idea that as a single woman, I must be constantly trying to be a feminist, a career gal!
I have, in the past, notoriously hated Valentine's Day. It was, for me, just a reminder that I am alone. It was as if the world was rubbing it in my face that I was still without a boyfriend. I felt the pressures to lower my standards to avoid being alone.
This year, though, I've decided to write my own Valentine. I have decided to make my life a love letter to my future husband.
I am making a commitment to learning homemaking arts. I especially want to establish a habit of order in my home. I want to make my home a place of peace, where the Spirit of the Lord can freely enter. I went to the open house for the Draper Temple and was struck at the beauty and serenity of the temple. I want to create a dwelling where the Spirit is welcome and an invited guest. I want it to be beautiful and lovely, clean and peaceful, just like the temple. I want it to be a place of symbolism, where teaching and learning the gospel and all other good things is possible and encouraged. I want it to be a place of service, where I am cheerfully contributing to making my family and those around me happy. I want it to be a place of music and of art. I want to make it the best I can culturally, where everything in it is uplifting and inspiring. Most of all, I want it to be a place of love, where kindness and charity are the rule.
I am making a commitment to personal loveliness. Part of this is working on my physical appearance. I am especially trying to learn to smile more. I want to be a happy person, filled with the love and the light of the gospel. I want to make myself pleasing to my husband by being well groomed and modest. I want to learn more about how to dress in a manner that is flattering for my shape and in colors that suit me well. I am learning to do more with my hair and want to exercise so that I can be healthy and have the energy I need.
I am making a commitment to spirituality. My goal is to read the Book of Mormon by my birthday. I am working on learning to really pray to discern the will of the Lord in my life. I am learning more about the divine role of womanhood and hope to honor my husband and family by being the type of woman depicted in the Scriptures and fulfilling the role of a woman in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. I am trying to serve and to become more like my Heavenly Father. I am learning about the power of the priesthood and am gaining a lot of respect for the men who honor their priesthood covenants.
I am making a commitment to frugality. I am doing this by trying to reduce spending, learning to garden and to save. I want to build up food storage and am learning to sew. I would like to learn to reupholster furniture and am learning all sorts of things about homemaking.
I am continuing my commitment to living the law of chastity. I want our family to be sacred and pure before the Lord. I am striving to live worthily to attend the temple and am trying to actively prepare for entering and partaking of the ordinances there in.
I am making a commitment to enlighten my mind that we may have learning and laughter in our home. I am learning to make good conversation so that we may enjoy the hours given to us. I am learning in every way I can and am working on developing my talents.
I hope that by becoming more oriented towards family and marriage that we will be able to enjoy the blessings of a celestial marriage. I hope that he is preparing and living the gospel as well. After years of being bitter about Valentine's Day, I am honestly excited now, excited to make my life a living Valentine for my husband. I am excited to prepare to receive the blessings of a loving Father in Heaven. The more I lose myself in preparation to serve and love my husband, someday, the more I find joy and happiness. I am truly learning to find nobility in womanhood and motherhood. I am learning to love you, though I don't know you. I know that I am not alone and that the Savior watches over both of us and stands by us as we prepare. May Heavenly Father bless and protect us,
Cate

Thinking

A popular fable goes something like this: three men were working at a construction site. A passerby stopped the first man and asked what he was doing. The man, tired and worn, simply replied, "I am cutting stone." Another passerby approached the second man with the same question. The response from the man, working, but not without a bit of boredom and discouragement replied, "I am building a building." A third pedestrian asked the the remaining construction worker the same question. The man was working zealously and with passion for his labor, cutting the same stone the other men had been. The man replied, "I am building a cathedral to my God." What was different about the man? He was cutting the same stone, laboring on the same project. His wages were certainly no more than the other two. The weather and environmental conditions were the same. His thoughts, however, were the difference.

Renee Descartes stated, "I think, therefore I am." Our thoughts form the foundations of our words, are the basis for our actions and the molds for our characters. A thought, if repeated often enough, will eventually become a deed. A deed, if repeated, forms a habit, which then plays upon the stages of our fate. We are, therefore, creatures who are and can become, the product of our thoughts. As children of God, we have a divine destiny, an infinite worth and great works to accomplish. We can, in choosing our thoughts and works, either move toward this destiny or away from it. We may embrace the divine or muck in the mire. Our thoughts are heavily influenced by our environment. By creating an environment that is conducive to the thoughts we wish to have, we further our attempts to become the person we wish to be.